When the Power Goes Out and Your Babies are Sleeping
Guess what: stressing doesn’t make stressors (or power outages) go away
I was sound asleep around 5:00AM on January 3, 2022, when the lights began to flicker and the white noise machine began to spasm like a DJ scratching a record at my bedside table. Then another flash of light and a loud boom. This was worse than waking up to a crying baby. I felt a flash of anxiety and a rush of negative thoughts once I realized the power was out and a storm was raging. “The kids are going to wake up in terror! They will never sleep through this storm. And we’ll never make it to school in the cold rain, after waking up at the crack of dawn, and after two weeks off for winter break. This is going to be a nightmare of a day. What if the power stays out (which it did for a 12 hours), and I can’t kick off my first Monday of 2022 with a professional bang, like I’ve been planning? Damnit, I was going to be SO productive today! Now it’s 5:00AM and I’m already behind. 2022 is off to a terrible start. Ugh, I’m so tired”
Raise your hand if you can relate.🙋♀️ A passing storm, albeit a big one, and a dark and white-noise-less house triggers a loop of anxious thoughts, almost to the point of no return.
But here’s the difference between me now, and me a decade ago. I stopped myself from going any further down the doom and gloom drain. One hand to my heart, one hand to my belly, long, slow breaths, some forced feelings of gratitude (e.g. “Wow, it’s been 10 minutes of thunder and no one else is up. No one is screaming or demanding anything of me. This quiet is kinda peaceful”), and I eventually began to doze back to sleep. It took a while, but I’m sure it happened because the next thing I knew, it was 6:45AM and my 6 year old darted into the room exclaiming, “Why didn’t my light turn green!” No one started the day before dawn. Crisis averted.
A case study on how NOT to handle stress (or power outages) when you have kids
Now let me tell you about a time when my power went out 10 years ago.
I had a 6 week old, it was a sweltering afternoon in late August, 2011, we were enjoying watching our first college football game (on TV) with the little guy, and all three of us were decked out in our team jerseys. Fun times. We were in full family chillax mode. Well, until the power went out —out of the clear blue sky and with no warning. And it was OUT. My husband began making calls to the power company and I began worrying and scheming, trying to plan my way out of the inevitable catastrophe that lie ahead.
“The baby won’t possibly fall asleep without the sound machine, right? The heat will make sleep impossible. Should we spend $150 on a hotel room? I wonder if a friend would let us sleep at their house? But wait, what if the baby sleeps worse at a friend’s house or in a hotel than he would at home, even under these horrible circumstances? I wonder if target sells battery operated white noise machines? Or what if we do get the hotel room and then the power comes back on? Then we’re out a chunk of change for nothing and a whole lot of hassle! Oh my god! The breast milk in the refrigerator will spoil. I’ve gotta go to Food Lion immediately to get ice.”
I’m not sure how I eventually gave up on these machinations. Maybe my husband talked me down or maybe I just wore myself out and crashed. But we stayed home. And my baby slept just fine. Apparently the little guy just needed me to chill the F out and go with the flow. Maybe he didn’t sleep quite as well as he would have otherwise, but it wasn’t bad enough for me to remember anything other than yours truly being a nervous wreck. In full transparency, this should have been a red flag to me and my partner that I needed to seek professional help for my postpartum anxiety. My mind raced like this all the time. I was constantly trying to control things over which I had zero control. I didn’t get the help I needed for anxiety until the following summer when the anxiety turned toward depression. I’ll write about that on another day…
As parents, we can’t control our external world, but we can control what happens within ourselves (outside of mental health conditions that require professional intervention)
I look back on that experience with awareness of my baby’s innate adaptability, and of my attachment to things being a particular way. My 6 week old just kept on breathing, eating, snoozing, and pooping, through it all, just like any other day or time. He didn’t care about the sound machine. I created a catastrophe which did not exist. Plus, bedtime by candlelight is cozy, sweet, and memorable. In my storm of anxiety, I missed that we could be experiencing deep connection and a fond memory for a lifetime. My Inflexibility was getting the best of me.
Thank goodness we all survived, and we’ve grown up a lot since then.
Fast forward again to January 3, 2022. Around 6:45AM (when my kiddo came it to inquire about his light not turning green), I saw that there was voicemail from the school system. It was the dreaded message —school is closed, for the whole day. But before I could bemoan the official loss of my day of superb productivity, and the potential of a day without power and kiddos who have been at each other’s throats from so much togetherness over break, my 6 year old began squealing with glee. Another “stay home” day!!! His eyes were twinkling and he was on top of the world. This knocked me right out of the doom and gloom.
So, I didn’t get a chance to tackle my ambitious to-do list yesterday. There was no internet. So no work (other than handwriting this blog). But, my kids helped me with a small painting project I’d neglected to finish over the break, my kids got to experience a snow day, we played loads of board games, and I got to write by hand as I watched snow flakes dance and tumble to the ground. Not too shabby.
Snow day projects - this closet wall would have stayed unpainted for months if it wasn’t for the power outage. #silverlinings.
It’s taken me a lot of years to realize that I can’t parent within a bubble. I can’t control all of the variables. Circumstances arise that throw our plans and our paths off course. Bedtimes get disrupted, tantrums mess up lovely outtings, babies skip naps, and kiddos puke right before you’re supposed to leave for vacation. Life is messy and unpredictable. Parenting is hard AF. But if we can let go of our rigid scheming, and relentless planning, it gives us the freedom to enjoy the snow day or the candlelit bedtime with our children.
At Little Dipper Sleep, we don’t force folks into rigid routines and plans to get better sleep. We bend with families, adapting to their needs and helping them adapt to what comes their way. Yes, schedules and routines are important, but they aren’t the only thing that matters.
Interested in how we incorporate mindfulness into our work with helping families sleep better? Schedule a free intro call and we’ll tell you all about it.
And/or, if this approach resonates with you, consider downloading one of our free e-books below, where we share our top ten tips for stellar sleep, or schedule that free intro call to learn more about how our private and group sleep coaching can help you and your family get your best rest.
Sweet Dreams,
Liz